PEOPLE ARE STARVING FOR AUTHENTIC CONNECTION.
I feel it and I see it everywhere… even in my own mirror. That is the root of this post.
We long to be: recognized, to be touched, to be seen, to be felt, to be heard- by others- in honest ways.
This desire to connect with other people, is a direct reflection of our desire to connect & fully know our own-self.
Before I begin writing, I must start by asking:
How the hell have we let ourselves get so preoccupied that we are too damn busy to find enough time and/or space to care for ourselves or the people we say we care about?
QUESTIONING MINDFULNESS: What are we filling our mind with?
How can we find countless hours in the day to eat, shower, shit, piss, post, blog, work, make money, do, and then to do more doing — but, at the end of the day we just “don’t have the energy” for ourselves or for the people we say we love?
Are we merely stepping around the mess instead of picking up after ourselves? What could be more important than listening to our authentic selves in an attempt to nurture our inner calling? What could be more important than supporting our so-called loved ones through the positive and challenging times? I suppose the real question is: Do we dare see ourselves clearly, hear other people openly and accept the art of being alive? Or are we just too afraid to let the truth be heard?
Are we mentally preoccupied with the state of our lives? Are we consumed in finding out what everyone else is “doing” with theirs that we pay more attention to our devices, heads hung low, eyes fixated on a screen, and minds numbly disinterested in taking in the present moment? Have we reneged on our capacity to extend a listening ear to our own truths or share a friendly hug? Do we care to hear the response to “How are you?”
Learning to love ourselves, others and connecting with the root of that love- should be number one, two and three on our “To Do” list. They just aren’t. They aren’t our priority and unfortunately, because of this… we are starving. We are starved for true genuine human connection, a feeling of worthiness and a fullness in heart that brings us a sense of joy.
AN OUT OF CHARACTER CAR ANALOGY :
We maintain our car regularly because one day, it’ll just stop running.
Even if we didn’t grow up with a mechanic for a dad, we know this or we find out the hard way. We understand that if we don’t change our oil or just stop pumping gas because we are too busy… that car will no longer be on the road. And, sometimes it takes the same sort of startling thing, like ending up in the hospital and having a doctor reinforce what your body knew long before you heard: “You’re weak and you haven’t been maintaining yourself properly”. But, what if we took precautionary steps, like we do with our car or our physical body, to keep our hearts and minds sustainable and functioning at supreme levels?
So, how have we become distracted to the point of denial? :
We honestly think going out to dinner with someone ( i mean sitting down and simply eating a meal ) is enough.
It isn’t. And, I’m so fucking tired of eating with people. Honestly, it drives me crazy. Can’t we think of more creative ways to connect with each other? It seems that people are just too damn exhausted for imagination and creativity to play a role in everyday life. The repercussions of our lack of imagination is that our connections, primarily with ourselves and then our relationships with those who “matter most”, fall victim to suffering. We fear taking emotional risks and inturn, we risk having our hearts fall prey to beating without meaning and eventually, we get so comfortable not feeling anything that we can’t remember how to begin, again. In a world of little guarantees, we know without a shred of doubt that a car can look perfectly fine on the outside but, if when you pop the hood there is a hollow space where once a working engine lived… you’re gonna have to fix it and NOW, if you’re hoping to get back on the road anytime soon…
WHAT’S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT? :
Everyone is a cynic. We don’t really believe “Love is all you need” but, what if love was where it all started?
We settle for exploring and expressing love in conventional and mediocre ways because we are preoccupied in an attempt to be conventional and appear anything but mediocre— in life /in love/in work. We go to great heights in pursuit of making ourselves presentable to the world. We stop at nothing to make sure that people think we are doing great! And why? Because we want some notion of “success” to reign over us… “Wow, he’s doing so well for himself!” or “Wow! What a great couple they are!” We are mostly fakers. But, why? Why do we want others to think we are doing well, if we aren’t? Because, it is convenient and safe… or so we think.
We believe our lives are in disarray if they don’t meet the ideas of success that our twisted western society has ingrained in us— we are conditioned and we are brainwashed by faulty mathematics: “achievement + success + money + notoriety = success = happiness” But why? Why do we accept this conditioning and pursue it as the centerpiece of our lives when clearly we see examples all around that success doesn’t bring happiness? I think the answer is simple… Because we usually don’t know how we are doing. So, instead of going through the tumultuous healing process of figuring it out, we ask the outside world to simply tell us how we feel. We are afraid of the real answers that come up when we truthfully answer “How are you?” Our cynical minds and critical hearts are desperate for validation as a form of conscience… we look towards acknowledgment from others to guide our opinion of who we are, where we are and what we are doing, with OUR lives.
WHO THE HELL ARE “They” and who the hell are “they” to decide? :
We all have that same voice– that says, “What will They think?” The issue is that not all of us stop to question who the “They” is that has our mind spinning day in and day out…
Is it people we perceive as more “successful” than us? Or happier than us? Is the “They”, people who have achieved things in the field of study that we are striving to achieve? Is the “They”, people we think have more knowledge or wisdom? Or “They”, who have been handed an “easier” road as opposed to our seemingly uphill climb? Is it “they”, who always appeared doubtful? Or “They”, who always felt supportive? Is it our spouse who never seems to have an affirming word to say? Or “They”, who we look to set examples for? At first, the “Who is They?” question may seem to present a different answer in all of us but, WHAT IF THE “THEY” WAS REALLY OURSELVES? What if the “they” we so sought approval from was the 8 year old versions of ourselves?
What if who you were really striving for was the limitless version of yourself, to be free again, like you were when you were a child… to express itself clearly, without shame, without doubt and without the fear of judgement. Are we harnessing the limitless potential we once believed we possessed? Are we having as much fun with life as we had so envisioned as children? Is being an adult as grand as we once thought it would be? If not, than there’s a potential to change it but, not if it isn’t a priority.
THIS “THING” CALLED LOVE:
Our minds are on a teeter totter, swinging us from feelings of wholeness to those of separateness and back again…
Unless we consciously decide to get the hell off this ride, we will stay on it… indefinitely. We haven’t any time left in a day to reinvent or redefine love as it would best serve us because it just isn’t important to us. Unfortunately, because “Love isn’t all we need… we need so much more!” we forget about its importance. But, how could this “thing” so imperative to our own well being, our own healing path and our innate desire to “get close” to others— go unattended to for so long? It just can’t. And, that is why we are starved and feel miserable.
doesn’t need to be said…
“I miss being touched”, it’s a sentiment that can be felt through the intimacy of a genuine look into someone’s eyes. You don’t need someone to tell you that they are lonely, it is palpable. Let me clarify that being touched doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with sex. Or, sometimes it does but as we all know, the root of our sexual urges stem from many complex places. Our desire for sensual connection stems from a primitive need to feel connected and/or to express our individuality, creatively. Being touched means being affected… in some way or another… and that can occur with strangers. It can be physical or it can be emotional or, if we are lucky, it can be both. We thrive on being affected… through a hug, in deep conversation, in faith based practices, in our desire to travel, in pursuit of broadening our perspective or hopefully when we work… we want something that resembles substance. And why? Because we want to feel substantial.
We have such a strong desire to feel whole that we beg the world to complete us. We beg our job, our partners or a God we pray to… to give us meaning. We want depth without the work— so, “someone else please give it to me.” The simplest way we do this is by attaching ourselves to ideas and beliefs or to opinions of ourselves or other people. These things that seem to give us a sense of richness or wholeness. And then, from this “rightness”, we set intentions to consummate ourselves with this theory or person. Consummation literally means to make whole or complete. In essence, we create a union with other humans or with high held beliefs of ourselves (be them productive or negative) out of a need to feel secure. We want to make sure that “this” isn’t going anywhere. So, we cling to anyway of getting more of it, knowing more if it, feeling closer to it or solidifying its presence in our life.
WHAT’S THE MATTER WITH YOUR HEART?
Matters of the heart demand to be understood…
Matters of the heart aren’t logical, mathematical or practical. Those are matters of the mind. But, we are totally numbed out– we are so consumed with our own longing for intimacy that we don’t allow space for others to be intimate with us. In essence, we don’t want to bother with it anymore. We are unable to acknowledge, or reciprocate sentiments, because we are scared and we are drowning in feelings of separateness. Our empathy is growing weak — where once our hearts felt room to allow more of the “good stuff” to be inhaled (accepted) or to be exhaled (shared)— there is resentment, frustration, denial, fear and (most definitely) loathing.
We are mostly miserable people with a side of more misery. And, we are looking for more people to join us at this table because, then at least… the table wouldn’t feel so lonely and what we taste wouldn’t feel so bitter. Well, it is. And, our disguises aren’t working. Our competitive mentality, our drive to be “happier” than each other, to feel worthy and to “put on a happy face” is not working.
We are so totally dominated by fear and shame that we have let them totally manipulate us into thinking there is no other way- we are addicted to perpetuating our low self esteem by fully accepting an “I’m not worthy” mentality. And running with it… We withhold truth and in place of that goodness, we nurture a breeding ground for Fear and Shame — to multiply, to divide and to become one giant force we call our “current reality”. We sit in the same room with lovers and friends and we sulk in the feeling of separateness, longing only to be heard or seen, or touched, or to have our mind’s read. Instead of using our voices– we sit, with our thoughts, for hours upon hours, in a very toxic state of repetition that heals nothing, moves nothing forward and resolves nothing. What are we so fucking afraid of?
THE SCARCITY OF SOCIALLY UNACCEPTABLE TEMPER TANTRUMS :
(Emotional Outbursts, Misbehavior & Defiance)
We were young when we first heard, “They are just acting out” as an adage ascribed to misbehaving children.
We heard it about others and sometimes we heard it about ourselves when we were “misbehaving” or being “defiant”. The “adults” around us would accredit emotional outbursts, misbehavior or defiance to a need for “attention”. I don’t think they were wrong. Attention is just another word for acknowledgement. We started seeking authentic acknowledgement before we even knew what it meant because we were searching for answers to who we are. But, then… acknowledgement got a bad rep and doing what was “socially unacceptable” had a negative connotation … and so, we fed that theory our entire lives. We still do… We give precedence to “being acceptable” over being truthful.
Instead of understanding that all we were ever trying to do was fully understand ourselves and truly be recognized… we put a “bad” stamp on it and brought it home to our parents for criticism. It’s no wonder why we stopped trying to figure ourselves out. But, is it bad? Of course not. However, we decided that since we couldn’t always explain the shit out of these outbursts, that they were something to fear. And, then we became adults that continued considering these things “bad” predominantly because they were socially unacceptable.
THE ART OF BEING A”Grown-up” aka repressing the shit out of feeling:
What the hell happened to all that angst? Oh yea… we “grew up” and…
We talked ourselves into believing there was no need for our emotions to find their expression, especially as outbursts because, those were adolescent things to do- so we found ways to repress the shit out of that nonsensical “stuff”. Well, repression does not equal expression! And, those reasons for our outbursts may have changed but they haven’t gone away… they simply shape-shift and find new reasoning/channels for being released. We never grew up in the sense that we never took the time to figure out new methods for these very human urges to find expression. We haven’t done our homework. We thought that since we weren’t teenagers anymore, we hadn’t any real excuse for throwing temper tantrums. Well, maybe we do- maybe we have even more incentive to get to the grit of it all and start letting shit hit the fan. Because, quite frankly… it’s fucking stuffy in here!
Exploding/ Outbursts may not always serve as the most effective tool for releasing emotional discrepancies, but they play an important role in helping us identify our emotions and/or our emotional wounds. Because, as we all know… the alternative (imploding) is not a healthy option. There most certainly is some validation in the process of exploding— we seem to astutely accredit outbursts to Hormonal imbalances but, we rarely give ourselves time to get FIRED UP anymore, about anything! And, because we no longer get fired up… we never get to the point of understanding the root of the emotions that trigger these outbursts. To be frank, we are too busy covering them up, excusing or blaming our emotions on external (or sometimes internal) forces-so much so that they don’t influence our behavior anymore. We have been trained well.
But, what if we took responsibility for our emotions like big kids ought to do? What if we acknowledged them in the same way we sought to be acknowledge as children, and now as bigger kids? Our emotions are our signposts and our emotional maturity indicates how well we have been reading those signposts. They help us decipher ourselves. They are equal parts separate from us as they are a total illustration of our wholeness. We decipher what it is we do ( or don’t do ) with them. But, we never get that chance if we deny they exist.
The key here is that when we don’t address how we are feeling, we don’t understand ourselves. And, when we don’t understand ourselves and how we are feeling, we can’t eloquently communicate that to other people. And, when we can’t communicate that with other people… we feel distant or invisible and we start expecting others to make up our minds for us. And, that is both unreasonable and irrational. We become members of the insane- doing the same thing over and over, acting out the same scenarios day in and day out… hoping for different results. Well, it ain’t gonna change from the outside and move to the inside— that is not how nature flows. It will never be the case and the sooner we recognize that our insecurities, our frailties and our misconceptions of our own worthiness start and end inside our own heads and hearts— the sooner we can get to addressing them inside before they either implode or explode wrongfully onto those around us… Which leads right into the next matter of the personal healing business, Misbehavior.
MISS BEHAVIOR asks: “What good is later when later may never come?:
I have said it many times before and I will say it again- we are totally demented by perverted ideas of “right” and “wrong”.
They have no place in the healing process and yet, we invite them to set up shop in our heads every single day by the act of judgement. We judge where we are and where others are on this black and white scale of what is and what is not “right”. In fact, we do it so frequently that we no longer catch ourselves doing it- we just sink our feet further and further into one side of the fence and make a home for ourselves there— because we think being stubborn means being strong. We think that being inflexible means having strong beliefs. Because, we think that our way is “right” and from the time we began being alive- we have maintained this illusion that if other people were wrong, that must make us right. And, we strive for it tirelessly
— But, would it be the worst thing in the world to be wrong? How many people do you know that did it all the “right” way are more satisfied than you? I sometimes feel that what people really mean by “right” is convenient. That people mainly want convenience over truth and instead of pushing through the more challenging issues, we cling to this false sense of security in the present– or grasping to an illusion that somehow “later will be better”. Well, later isn’t better!!!! The moment that truth arises for us, that is the time it is ready to be revealed. Not later. What good is later when later may never come? Who are we really sparing from this truth… (??)
DEFINING THE ROOTS OF DEFIANCE:
To defy, is to openly resist. OPENLY being the operative word.
When things are out in the open, they have space to breath and be understood. And with that space, they have room to grow, move and transform. We like to share inspirational sayings about “creating our own path”, taking “the road less traveled” and boasting our support of doing things unconventionally but, it’s all talk. We are still afraid of being different. We are still very much afraid of defying social norms and conventional ideas of happiness. And, pretty much for one simple reason… we want someone to test the waters first before we jump in. We are scared and our society has made it such that being scared is common practice. If we are all scared together than none of us will venture very far from where we started… the rat wheel which takes us back to the same place we began, Acceptance and Validation. Our need for validation often pushes our own version of happiness to the side at the expense of receiving that fleeting feeling of approval. But, I ask again…. from whom? From whom do we seek such approval?
As children we often challenge everything.
We asked “Why?” more often than anything else— and then we just stopped because somewhere down the road someone told us to stop. We started feeling like resistance was a bad thing so we stop doing that. We have learned to be far too obedient for our own good. We accept our fate as a verdict handed down to us by others and in turn, we have forgotten our own capacity to ask “WHY?”, to say no, or to demand more! We were condemned for being curious so we stopped pushing the limits. We got OK with things just being OK. Our curiosity to understand “WHY” we are here & what we are made of is a very intrinsic tool- it can guide us and eventually it can help us define & understand where we stand and how we feel about things. Instead, we have succumb to reading a broken compass in hopes it will guide us somewhere more pleasant… So, has it?
“You’re not gonna validate me so, I’m not gonna validate me.” What an absurd, and all too common, motto to live by— and we do. We live by this shit. We have surrendered so much of our power to the outside world. We give so much weight to our status here in the physical world that it isn’t any big wonder why our spiritual lives suffer. We pay more attention to where we sleep, where we go to the bathroom and where we eat than we do how we feel, who we are, who we spend time with and why we are here. And, then we wonder where this hollow feeling comes from… We are living, breathing illustrations of our inner dialogue & our inner thought processes. Our light, however dimly lit or potent, is a direct reflection of our spiritual mindfulness or lack thereof…
THE REAL LIFE FEAR FACTOR:
Sometimes, I play this little game with myself- when I fear making a decision or acting out a certain truth that arises… I just sit with it.
I try to get to know this fear, like it’s my best friend- I toy with my thoughts on a particular scenario and more often than not I am met with the realization that nobody cares but, me.
And, it’s true… when we find ourselves at a personal crossroads we often put the opinions / beliefs of other people ahead of our own because, it distracts us from acting on our own truth. People are busy cultivating their own path, deciphering their own crossroads and toying with their own thoughts of self worth– that if this “thing” you are fixated on doesn’t directly affect them, they probably don’t care two shits about what choice you make– they will continue to love or hate you either way. And, that’s the truth people. Instead of saying, how will this choice ultimately affect my well being, we flip back into asking that infamous… “What will THEY think of me?” And, we like to ask these questions because they take our attention away from decision making…
THE “OTHER” SCENARIO:
We care and then we love. And then, because we love, we care… That is the order.
There is so much beauty in caring for others and expressing empathy. It is underrated. When we allow ourselves to get close enough that the well being of another impacts us… a connection has been made. What I don’t think we take enough time to consider is what KIND of connections we are making in our life. Is it better to have 20 friends we know very little about, or 2 friends with whom we share a level of intimacy enough to call when things aren’t going well?
When our truth points us in a direction that will affect something or someone outside of ourselves, which sometimes it does… (some of our greatest fears stem from our desire to keep the people we love safe and unharmed) but, we must move swiftly toward THAT truth or fear. There are times when the question is not “What will THEY think of me?” but, “How will this affect THEM?” Essentially two very interconnected questions. Because, a part of us will always be concerned with what “they” will think of us after “they” are affected by whatever truth is being shared. All of this questioning is healthy. We ought to allow ourselves equal time to contemplate how our truths will drive our actions and then how those actions will affect not only ourselves but, those we care for— but, no so much so that we never act on them. Whether it be a personal or collective crossroads, we all have a choice… dive in deep and hope to find a new island or swim back to shore and try again on the same ground— there’s no right direction, just different ones. Loving ourselves means taking risks and being honest. Loving other people is risky, being honest with them is even more risky… if we aren’t ever brave enough to put our truths at the forefront of our loving nature (or relationships), balance will be nonexistent. And, where there is no balance there is no harmony.
These imbalances are crucial to gaining perspective, if we acknowledge them. If we decide to ignore them, we find ourselves in a constant state of resentment which we likely take out on other people. We can only rationalize withholding the truth for so long before it comes out… it is a matter of the heart, it will never stop trying to be expressed. We live in denial when we think we are doing a service to ourselves (or someone we love) by not expressing it. That is not genuine connection, it is toxic and it does not resemble love at its core.
A HEALTHY DEGREE OF SELFISHNESS IS NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF…
I’m tired of people shaming selfishness.
There are certain times in our lives when being selfish is the most beneficial thing we can do for humanity. Our time here is best spent trying to find that fine balance between learning how to take care of ourselves while still expressing our altruistic nature. The people around us are not our property nor are they our opponents, they are our mirrors. When we point our finger at them and place the responsibility of our quality of life in their hands, we don’t allow any room for collaboration. We don’t find the people that will help save us. We find the people that help us figure out how to save ourselves.
“FROM YOUR OPINIONS COME YOUR FEELINGS” Personal Sharing Time:
Knowing what advice to take and what advice not to take is very valuable.
Advice is just another opinion on the matter. Early this year I was urged, by an acting coach, to get more opinionated. She said “From your opinions, come your feelings”. And, the whole thing struck me as funny because, from the time I was a little girl I was not subtle about my thoughts or feelings. She had helped me realize that somewhere in my adult life, I learned to be quieter and more polite about my opinions. Her words have been ruminating…
For a large portion of my late twenties I grew to take on a philosophy of “Live and Let Live” and it still serves me well on many levels. It enabled me to learn how to fully surrender to the flow, adapt to things out of my control and ultimately recognize that little (if at all anything besides how we use the power of our mind) is in our control. I needed to recognize these very useful tools for my own expansion. My compass was compassion and acceptance and it allowed me to grow in more ways than I ever thought possible. It turned me inward to a very quiet place and helped me feel my own potential. But, it was fleeting– and never meant to be forever. What I mean by this is, that while stillness is still a great factor of my wholeness so is being Loud. And, I had completely forgotten that aspect of myself. Turning in was so important but, it became a state of going so far inward that I could no longer see the outside world with enough perspective to grasp my existence in the physical world. I felt very detached from my opinions and my feelings and as a side effect I felt distant from my loved ones and the world in general.
To be honest… It was very cozy and peaceful inside. But, I had a very biological craving for turbulence perhaps, in pursuit of movement. I attribute that very essential time to growing my ability to empathize, understand and accept myself and those around me with non judgement. But, I needed to figure out how to work with those things in a productive way, in a way that would best serve the expression of my greatest self– here. I needed to figure out how to allow myself the room to continue doing all of that and constructively challenge how I was living, defy norms and to accept resistance as a very powerful stepping stone to the manifestation of my-self. What I learned was, the dynamic push and pull between our heart and our mind is incomprehensibly vital to our life force. It is what drives us. It is the very thing that helps us steer clear of complacency. The resistance to being ignorant and blind is the very act of beginning to open our eyes, again.
As we begin opening our eyes to our true nature, we can’t help but start to see the familiarity in those around us. There is no doubt that when we tune into our most powerful frequency, our being begins to vibrate from a clearer place — we can feel things we never knew existed and we only want more of it. And, it goes without saying, that when we are dominated by truth and the pursuit of that very thing… we want only that. We seek true creative living, pure connection and true intimacy… with ourselves and with those we share living with, whatever that entails. And, when we are not met with that… it can become discouraging to the point that we hide inside ourselves. But, that isn’t a place we can live for very long…
There is sacredness in melding with people with whom we can genuinely connect. It is not an everyday occurrence which is why it is so sacred. But, the capacity for that connection is always there, even with strangers. It is sometimes subtle but, it is there— where we allow it. It can come in the form of a simple smile or the sincerity of a genuine, long lasting, hug. But, we won’t find it by keeping to ourselves and keeping our arms crossed. We have to actively open ourselves up, without the fear of rejection. We have to start risking more at the potential of feeling more. We have to dare to say “I love you” without being dependent on hearing it back. Because, the truth is… some people aren’t in a place of being able to express or reciprocate connection on that level. And, that is really ok. Everyone speaks love in a different way, accept that and figure out how you express your love. When we extend our energy with good intentions, only more of the same will return to us— in some form or another.
IT ALL COMES FULL CIRCLE:
In an attempt to bring this post full circle, I would like to readdress our inherent need for affection and human connection and the important role it plays in our lives.
Primarily because it all comes back to us in the end… what we give, we get and we all know this. I can write about how I believe it until my fingers are numb but, if I don’t act on it— none of it will matter. We show affection through our actions and through our words in an attempt to express our love because we are human. We can talk about loving people, we can even say “I love you” or kiss someone until we are blue in the face but, understanding what it all means is an ART. It is an abstract theory that we may never fully comprehend. It will take most of us a lifetime to grasp the power of unconditional love and if we are lucky, we will learn how to do it or better yet, feel it. Words hold limited weight on the spectrum of human connection. Of course they mean something but, our language is merely a channel for us to express or deny honesty and truth. Don’t talk about it, be about it.
We are all skeptics of happiness— when someone says they are happy– our inclination is to disprove it or to find some way of judging their happiness next to ours in an attempt to condemn ourselves for not being “as happy”. I think our first major hurdle is in defining if “happy” is even really a goal for us anymore or if it is Joy. There is some importance to this because, we need varying reflections of happiness to help us determine (or remember) what our own joy may look or feel like- since it is different for everyone. Sometimes, we forget and especially as we grow, our capacity to feel excitement and joy shifts (sometimes it even diminishes). The fact is, joy can be felt.
There are vibrant people who radiate joy and we can feel it when we are in the same room with them– they make us feel loved, we want to love them and it feels like a privilege to be in their company. We are affected by them in great ways. We think they know something we don’t and we want it. It is a really beautiful thing to connect with people who possess a gift for sharing this joyous energy. The truth is, joy can’t be bottled, sold or injected. It is self made. And, it isn’t everlasting- it takes awareness, intent and mindfulness… all of which we have been conditioned to hate. We like it now, we want it now and we don’t want to work for it…
Pure Joy comes from the same place as Love… both take energy and give energy, when maintained properly. Energy is time and time is energy. Love grows through time and loving connections expand with that same time. If it is fast, it probably won’t be around long. I am suggesting that our current reality is a reflection of the level of joy we are currently pursuing. Are we looking for quick fixes and temporary highs or are we seeking out ways to maintain joy for a longer period of time, by learning to understand it?
Our life changes on our own accord and by our own willingness to make it happen. If we constantly live in a state of “wanting”, that is where we will remain. We are the only ones who can get unstuck from the sticky mess that is living a life of: “things could be better”. Start asking HOW!? How can things be better, what can I do to make things more balanced or how can I mend these things inside of me that are trying to find themselves a place to flourish? Or better yet, let’s start focusing on the things that are already great about us, about our lives, about our loved ones and about the world. We have to start with us. Because, we must thrive as individuals if ever we are to build loving/collaborative/creative partnerships with those around us. The next hurdle we share is in learning how to be- genuinely happy for those around us by moving away from the idea that there “isn’t enough to go around” because there is!
LOVE NEEDS A BRIDGE, SO BE IT :
If you feel something is lacking in your life or in your relationships, it probably is– and it is probably being felt by more than just you… give attention to that, give more of whatever it is that you want more of, from someone else, to yourself.
If you want better listeners in your life, be a better listener. If you want more support, be more supportive. If you want someone to tell you that you are fulfilling your life purpose, ask yourself. If you miss the way your wife touched you when you first started dating, touch her like you did when you first started dating. If you want to feel abundant, start looking around at what you have. If you want to feel whole, start addressing the broken pieces and put yourself back together. If feeling “right” about where you are headed is what you need to keep moving and growing, start making choices that feel “right” whether they are conventional or not. If a choice feels “wrong” don’t over think it just go with your gut… that feeling of “wrongness” is generally “right” on. If you want more genuine human connection, be genuine. If you want a higher quality of life, resist complacency and rid that which no longer serves YOU. If you are feeling unhealthy, stop asking everyone else why and start finding out how you can heal yourself. If you want to grow, start nourishing yourself. If you seek creative inspiration, just begin creating— the inspiration will find you. And, if you want to feel unconditionally loved, start unconditionally loving yourself.
Now, go give out some hugs.